Jessie’s Blog

well, after spending time laboring over the last two posts, with little response (though I know people are reading, since my blog stats tell me so…), this time I’m just going to post some great quotes I copied and from someone elses site….

 these are the words of John Wesley; a great man of faith from the early days of our nation… and lest we think his words would be “out of date”, I find myself STIRRED today, reading them… oh, to be more like this . . .  (we’ll see if these generate any feedback)  

” Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can”

” Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.”

” When I have money, I get rid of it quickly, lest it find a way into my heart.”

” When I was young I was sure of everything; in a few years, having been mistaken a thousand times, I was not half so sure of most things as I was before; at present, I am hardly sure of anything but what God has revealed to me”

“Once in seven years I burn all my sermons; for it is a shame, if I cannot write better sermons now than I did seven years ago.”“Give me 100 men (or women* [my addition]) who hate evil and love good, and I care not one whit whether they are clergy or laity, with these men I will change the world and usher in the kingdom of God in one generation.”

“Mr. Wesley with so much to do in a day how is it that you can find time to pray four hours a day? Wesley response, “With so much to do in a day how can I not pray four hours a day?”

[two posts in one day!  making up for lost time, i guess] 

Let me just make the confession upfront: I get a lot of my news from the Yahoo! home page. 

I hardly watch TV, and don’t get any newspapers… but I DO like to know what’s going on in the world now and then, so I browse the headlines when I go to check my email on Yahoo! 

So, the page pops up in my browser, and what is the headline?  “Kiefer Sutherland arrested for drunk driving”, or something like that.  SO?!?!  I mean, sure, I’m against people getting drunk and driving around.  But, it’s national NEWS??  This is the important news that millions need to know about??  While on the other side of the globe children are explioted, forced into the army, enslaved in the sex trade, monks are fighting for democracy in Myanmar, and troops are still fighting (and dying) in Iraq…. the main headline that I “need” to read about is some movie star getting pulled over?

Newsflash:  Kiefer Sutherland, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are all just people.  Messed up people, just like me, you and your neighbor.  They just happen to have a lot of money and a prettier face.  I didn’t get an email the last time the guy down the road got pulled over, I don’t see why I need to know about the “stars”.

Yes, I wish the stars would be more responsible and all, since so many people watch them and look up to them (especially young poeple).  I sure am glad that my EVERY mistake and move isn’t advertised on national media!  Can you imagine??   

Maybe I’m secretly jealous.  It was my dream and desire for many years (when I was younger) to be an actor and to be famous. 

Eventually I came to my senses, tho’… i think.

so, that’s my rant.  nothing too serious.

Why bother believing for big things?  Why do we long for impact?  Why do I want to be apart of something big, great, impactful? 

Is that somehow written in our DNA?  We are created with a desire for something bigger than us, for transcendence – to touch something beyond us . . .  I have heard people say that, and I believe it. 

Ultimately, we all want to touch God.  We look for fun and thrills in life, but really, what is more thrilling the experiencing the Almighty Creator of the Universe, touching your weak, human, made-from-the-dirt frame?  I know for some people that doesn’t even connect in your brain.  For some people, the thought of God is far from thrilling.  “Boring” or “irrelevant” might be the words that more easily come to mind for them. . . I won’t bother defending what I believe is the Truth:  that God is the MOST thrilling thing there is, and He is the very reason people enjoy being thrilled and excited!  Roller coasters, thrillers, mysteries, movies, sports, all forms of dare-devil stuff, most entertainments, video games – these are all things we love and enjoy because we are CREATED with a  capacity and a desire to EXPERIENCE joy, pleasure, etc… It’s there because God put it there, and because ultimately, there is no higher experience of love, joy, pleasure, excitement than touching God.  FOR REAL!  That’s the truth!  If you can’t believe it, it’s because you haven’t experienced it.  I invite you, “taste and see that the Lord is Good”.  You won’t be disappointed, because if you truly seek, you WILL find (God).     

However, that’s not really what’s on my mind.  J

What about the deep seated desire to have IMPACT, to make a difference in the world, to be the “one” who changed things??  This burns so strongly in me.  But, I feel so frustrated, because, well, I don’t feel like it’s happening!  I do what I feel I can/should to impact my part of the world, and well, sometimes I feel like it’s doing much… 

But, as a person of faith, I’m supposed to believe and ask God to do GOD-sized things.  So, I have no excuse to live in the mundane, ordinary, easy, possible/plausible/logical world.  And, I don’t want to.  So.. what am I to do?  What are YOU to do, if you feel this same frustration?   

 Possible conclusions: 

-Believe for big things,

-intercede,

-act in faith,

-work with diligence,

-don’t lose heart . .

-and leave the results up to God.

My challenges:  I’ve never been a part of anything that really seemed “big”; no big church, no big outreach/ministry/movement… at least nothing that like exploded and continued on.  I have been a part of, and helped do some big one-time events.  But, I’m always believing for a big, sustained move of God, where people are being added (saved), even daily, and where the supernatural power of God is transforming hearts, lives and physical bodies.  I feel like I have read of some things like that, and heard people talk about some things, but in some senses it seems unreal, almost fictional because I don’t know if I’ve ever actually seen and touched it, you know?

I could be wrong on that – there is a very REAL, explosive move of God in Brazil – supernatural things happening, many saved, delivered, etc…. and I have been in that twice now on two summer trips.  It’s wonderful and amazing, but at the same time, it feels very natural, unforced…. It’s just God, it seems.  But, where does it come from?  Does it just fall out of the sky?  Is it the three fiery intercessors who pray diligently and daily for years and years….?

In some situations it seems there is that one leader who seems to drive the whole thing . . . they have a strong, charismatic, inspiring personality that draws a crowd, and people follow.  But, I don’t think that could ever be me.  I don’t want people to follow me.  I don’t even believe I have that “crowd-drawing” charisma, anyway.  So, that kind of thing doesn’t seem possible. 

So, I’m asking more questions than giving any answers. . . but, that’s what this is for… let’s talk. J  Let the comments roll.   

Well, I can see from my blog stats that many of you are actually sticking around and checking back (Thanks!!), so, I figured I should blog something SOON, so you don’t leave me after I got you hooked with the baby stuff!  I’ve got some (other) thoughts I’m working on, but didn’t want to put it up until I thought it through completely – so look forward to more postings!! 

For now, I’ve been thinking about humility.  What IS humility?  Well, in it’s poetic/theoretic form, we all think this a beautiful, wonderful, desirable, admirable character trait that some possess, and which we should all aspire to live out more. 

Perhaps you think you are humble?  Maybe there are those who you think are humble.  The trick is, once you think you’ve seen it (in yourself or others), you probably lost it!

I think true humility, when it is lived rightly is nearly invisible.  You may be standing next to the most humble person in the world, but you wouldn’t know it.  And, I believe, true humility is rare and even painful to cultivate in our own hearts. 

My definition of humility:  (and Jesus Christ is the ultimate example of these)

-To make yourself nothing, to refuse to cling to power or position, for the sake of building up others, lifting them to power, giving your power and position away to benefit others.

-To live, act, and give as if every one you meet is better and more deserving than you; to consider others and what they are doing as more important than what is in your heart (even if you know what is on your heart is right, perhaps even from God!). 

 What humility is NOT: 

-Hating yourself, criticizing yourself, or always telling people how “bad” you are.

-Refusing to do anything of consequence, for fear of being recognized, or becoming proud. 

-Refusing thanks, compliments, etc. 

-Rejecting positions of leadership (especially when you are needed and gifted in that position!)

 What it is:

-Serving because you want to and enjoy it, not just because you should

-Not looking for rewards from others

-Being confident of who you are and what your gifts and calling are.  Being so confident that you don’t have to prove yourself, and confident enough to move into a position when you know your gifting is needed in a situation (not shying away in false humility). 

I feel like God is trying to build humility in me.  I’m sure he is in all of us.  But, the problem for me is this:  it’s hard!  And, it hurts to let go of selfishness!!  I never understood how much desire for recognition and longing for “fame” I had in me… until recently… and….well. . .  I’m just not there.  But, I want to be!  When I look at Jesus and see that He took THE LOWEST place, the God of the Universe bending down to serve US, those whom He MADE out of dirt; Perfection serving the helplessly flawed; Love, loving the unworthy.  It makes me love Him and see how beautiful He is – and I want that! 

Your thoughts?

that’s right. . . many have been waiting… and yes, finally… WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!  i.e. Erica is pregnant, and I’m going to be a Dad!  woohoo!

According to the doctor, the preganancy is 5-6 weeks along, so the baby is about the size of the graphic in the upper left, and looks like the enlarged photo.  We’ve already been praying over him and talking to him (I think it’s going to be a boy — but, we’ll see ). 

“Was this planned?”  Well, sort of.  We have not been using any means to prevent pregnancy, so we figured that God would choose the right time.  And, we believe He has! 

“What about Erica’s med schooling?  Will it work out ok?”  Yes, as I said it seems God has perfect timing (of course!).  With the current trajectory, the baby should arrive in May, which will be right after Erica finishes class work and before she is set to start hospital rotations.  We’re hoping they’ll let her start her rotations a month or two later (supposed to start in July), so that she can spend lots of time with the new baby.  I’m sure it will work out fine. 

 We’re so excited!!!!! 
Please pray with us — our next step is to find a house!  A baby and all the baby stuff probably won’t fit in our little apt!!

I probably spend too much time on the internet.  ok.  i DO. 

and for those of you struggling with that, get off the computer right now.  j/k

for the rest of you who like to read and be provoked, two interesting blogs I read today:

1. concerning Christians and the environment: http://www.joshuahawkins.com/blog/2007/09/environmentalism-jesus-style.  I’m not saying I agree completely with him, but appreciated what he had to say nonetheless. 

2.  about true spiritual leadership:  http://thefightspot.com/2007/09/on-leadership/  This guy’s posts sometimes really convict me and shake me to the core.  This one did.  If you’re a leader or aspiring to be one, I highly recommend it. 

I hate sickness.  Actually, who does like being sick??  Seriously.  It’s not fun.  Erica and I have been plagued by … something… the last week or so.  Not fun.   I’m doing better.  Erica has a big exam tomorrow, and can’t study very well.  So, that’s a little upsetting.  We’ve prayed several times, and will continue to do so.

That’s the frustrating thing.  We believe in God.  Jesus heals.  I’ve seen people be healed by the power of God, and I myself have been healed miraculously on a few occasions, in the name of Jesus.  I have even prayed for others and seen them healed (only a few that I know of).  But, not every one, every time.  Not only do I know that God can.  He wants to, is willing, and I believe He even LIKES to! 

So, what’s the deal?  Why don’t we see more of it?  I don’t know.

But, here’s what I have concluded:  I’m going to base my life on what I DO know, not on what I DON’T know.  Make sense?  It’s the only way to truly live anyway.  Let me put it in perspective that we can all relate to:  I know I’m alive today.  I don’t know if I’ll be alive tomorrow.  So, what do I do?  I LIVE, TODAY!! 

 I’m going to continue living in what I DO know about God and His power to heal, and keep pressing in to see it ALL (’cause I know it’s all possible!!); because, it’s not about our little cold/cough… it’s really about the fact that there are a lot of people out there suffering in major ways that Jesus CAN and WILL touch and heal, because He LOVES those people!!  Who’s with me?

 Other thoughts?