I can kind of understand…

So, I had my first “Daddy Revelation”.  You know, those little snippets of God that people see/learn of when they become parents.  Here’s how it went down…

I was singing and playing keyboard, worshipping God all by myself in the church sanctuary.  I was singing this chorus:

Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You
Somehow my weak love has stolen away Your heart

These lyrics are based out of the Bible in Song of Songs 4:9- “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes . . .”  In the allegory the “Lover” representing the Lord is saying this to the “Beloved”, representative of the Christ-follower.  Simply put, God is looking at you and saying, “YOU overwhelm me when you love me.”

Most people find the Song of Songs to be a challenge to relate to.  And, most people balk at verses like this, which suggest somehow that our All Powerful God could be moved in His heart, even overwhelmed, by the attention of one poor, weak soul like you or me, who loves Him back. 

But, IT’S TRUE!  Even the slightest movement of our heart (”glance”) toward Him touches Him so deeply that He would say we have stolen His heart, to even conquered the Lover of All with our puny love.  It is an incredible trust to wrestle with.  Totally unbelievable to our minds….

So… what does this have to do with me and being a (new) Dad?  Here goes.  I was singing that chorus thinking the usual thoughts of, “Can this really be true?  It’s just so hard to REALLY believe it, that my love for God could affect Him so profoundly.  It’s hard for me to truly believe that I don’t have to somehow earn His love or be “good” so that He’ll want to love me.”  And as I’m wrestling with these thoughts in my head, I get see in my mind, my sweet 3 and a half month old daughter, Chloe. 

I start thinking, “Oh, she’s so amazing.  I love her!  I’m totally in love with her!”

And it was like God’s Spirit saying, “That’s how I love you.”  All at once it made sense.  All I have to do is look at her, and my heart swells with pride and joy and I can’t help but explode with rejoicing and delight over her.  Really, that’s how I feel!  And, the funny thing is, she’s incapable of doing anything to “earn” my love and affection for her.  I love her because I love her, because I LOVE HER!  I just DO!  There’s no other reason. 

And the Father (God) looks us in the face, smiles and says, “I love you because I love you, because I LOVE YOU!”  We can’t do anything to earn it, or to stop it!  He just does and He can’t help Himself — He loves us!

let’s eat!

[this is a recap of what would have been my message on Sunday, IF I had preached.  God had other plans... He is so fun!]

I don’t know about you, but I LIKE to eat!  If I’m not making a decision to fast, I normally do not miss a meal, or any snack, or any sweet treat that comes my way… :).  I assume that most people would agree — too eat, is good.  People who refuse to eat are said to have an eating disorder, right?  It’s a DISorder, because it’s out of order.. it’s NOT RIGHT!  Well, I think many times, we have a spiritual eating disorder.  We are content to live our lives without “eating” spiritual food for days, weeks, months at a time!!

What spiritual food am I referring to?  HEARING GOD, hearing the voice of Jesus.  “I thought the Word was our ‘meat’”, you may say.  And you are correct.  But what about BREAD?  Did you ever consider this? 

“Man does not live on bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4, Luke 4:4).

“Give us this day our DAILY bread!”  (Matthew 6:11)

Jesus also said, “I only do what I see the Father doing and say what I hear the Father saying”, and “My food is to do the will of Him who sent me” — that would be to HEAR/SEE, and then do it, right?

 

If we are truly followers of Christ, it is our very identity to hear Him and know his voice (John 10:27).  It’s not an option, nor is it just for the “special”/annointed ones. 

 

It’s by HEARing the word of God that we gain more faith — and this is not just the written word, but the words that God is speaking by His Spirit (Romans 10:17).  And, without FAITH, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to please God (Hebrews 11:6).  I would say that this means we MUST hear His voice. 

 

So, why don’t we?

 

I feel that a huge part of the problem is a TRUST issue. 

We do not TRUST the Lord as we should.  We lean all to often on our own understanding, and our way.  We fear the unknown and “missing” Him… and getting hurt, disappointed, discouraged. 

 

But, how can we live in friendship with God this way?  Is there any relationship of any depth without TRUST at the center?  Jesus calls us to be His friends, because HE is willing to share with us everything that is His! (see John 15:15)  Talk about TRUST! 

 

If the very Son of God is willing to entrust us with Himself, and all that He has . . . why would we withhold ourselves and distrust Him?  He’s already put Himself on the line for us! 

 

But, our lack of trust, or our fear of hurt (same thing) keep us from entering into this deep level of friendship that He DESIRES for us!  And so, what happens?

 

We don’t hear God because, we put up all the reasons why we feel we “shouldn’t”, because at the core, we’re afraid and we don’t trust Him.

 

LISTEN!  HE IS GOOD!  ALL THAT HE IS, ALL THAT HE DOES, ALL THAT HE SAYS IS FOR YOUR VERY BEST!  (see John 10:10). 

 

And, to not “eat” means that we will be come weak and sick.. and eventually die.

 

This is a life or death matter.  Let us put away our fears and fully trust the One who is ultimately the Most TrustWorthy.  Let us put our lives (and deaths) fully in His hand, lean into him with no other props (Proverbs 3:5-6), fall completely into Him — and see what He will do!

 

Hear Him speaking to you right now, and LET’S EAT!

  

Chloe “SPEAKS”!!!

Enjoy this video our precious THREE MONTH OLD (!! as of July 16!)…. she’s got a lot on her mind!

http://www.youtube.com/v/yPA32LFoPCk

If you click on that, it should pop right up!  Hint:  if you make the window smaller, the picture is clearer… and you can see how cute she is!

Enjoy!

-Jessie

new baby pics!! and…

Greetings!

Life is pretty much ALL about baby right now.. we had a dedication service for her and a big party at our NEW place this past weekend — what a blast!!  Great to publicly dedicate Chloe to Jesus, hear His word over her, and to mingle with family and friends in celebration.  Check out some new pics of Chloe on the baby page: www.jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby.  Here are a few pics, from the dedication, the party and one of our new place..  they are thumbnails, so click on one to see it full size. 

   

I hope to blog again soon on more “serious” stuff… the thread on “the church” still remains unfinished, and I know many of you were enjoying that discussion… In fact, if you have thoughts, post them as comments on this blog so I can put them in the pot I’m currently boiling. :) 

update on life…

Do I have any readers left out there in blog-world??  Hope so!!!  Life has been crazy for us.  Many parents tell me that it will kind of always be like that now that we have baby… but, i have to believe it won’t always be like THIS (I’ll explain more in a minute).  But, first, for those who avidly follow this blog JUST for the baby stuff… I posted a little something on the baby page that you will enjoy: www.jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby, just a snippet of life from the Daddy diaries….  lol. 

So, here’s the brief version of life since Chloe:  the Beautiful One arrived on April 16th — 2 weeks  before expected, and just as well, two weeks before Erica could finish her semester in Med School!  So, we take a week with us three holed up in the apartment, trying to figure life out.  Erica pokes her head above water the next week to try and catch up on EVERYTHING she missed (finals and all!) from the last semester. Finally able to wrap most of that up by the end of May.  Then, Erica dives head-long into studying for BOARDS, which were on June 15.  Day and night studying for her = day and night baby care AND Mommy care for me (cooking, cleaning, feeding, diapering, shopping…)  Boards happen on June 15th, ALL DAY — and worst day for Dad alone with baby ever (she wouldn’t take the bottles….).  The following weekend, Erica has to go to an all-day seminar/training for Advanced Cardiac Life Support (Saturday the 21st) and then take the certification exam (Sunday the 22nd) = more Dad and baby alone time… but this time was a little better.  As Erica arrives home sunday afternoon, I’m packing to head off to Discipleship Traning school (week-long conference for high schoolers that I help run).  Mommy and baby are doing alone time for the whole week, the first time Erica has “off” ever.  One caviat, though… we’re supposed to MOVE on the 29th/30th!!!  So as all of this is going on, we’re packing up 7 years of life in our little apartment!!  On the 28th, I arrive home from DTS, exhausted and beging the final stretch of the packing marathon.  On the 29th, we’re packing up as soon as we get home from church.  A few sweet friends come over to load up the Uhaul with as many boxes as possible and we get them into our NEW HOME (!) at about 9:30pm.  Back to the apartment to finish packing what we can… till the wee hours of the morning.  We wake early on the 30th (we have to be out of the apartment on this day!) with the baby and pack up all the kittles and Chloe in the car, with all of their parephenalia, to get them secured in the new home before the moving frenzy begins at 10am.  9:50am, a car full of young college dudes arrive, ready to get to work (yay!  thank you Jesus, and thank you guys, i love you!!!!).  Furniture begins to move out of the apartment at an alarming rate.  Other church friends continue to arrive and go to work.  Beve Place goes to work cleaning up the whole place and taking care of last minute details.  The apartment is empty in about an hour and a half, AND CLEAN!  It takes a while longer to actually pack it all into the Uhaul — and EVERY bit of space is used.. . um, we have more stuff than I ever dreamed.  We carpool over to the new duplex, where Erica has lunch ready to go, and her sister Christina is enjoying taking time with Chloe.  The moving crew digs in appreciatively, but swiftly moves into unpack action, and the truck is completely empty in about 40 minutes!!!  Unbelievable!! 

Now, here we are in a great new home… it looks like a bomb went off, though!!  Baby takes total priority over the unpacking/organizing… but it’s slowly coming together.  And, we’re trying to take a breath… could it be true that we might soon settle into to some sanity and be able to just live life, be a family, etc.?? 

Life is an adventure!!  

No Decaf Jesus, please, and Baby pics!

First things first — new baby pics are on the baby page — I know that’s what most of you are interested in, anyway: www.jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby/ Click on that and enjoy. 

I’m working on another post… but for now I’ll share this one that I really enjoyed about knowing Jesus for REAL and not settling for the cheap version that gets easier and easier to find…. enjoy: http://www.luke18project.com/Publisher/Article.aspx?id=1000032126

God is good.  No matter what. 

On Being a Dad

So, Chloe turned 2 yesterday.

2 weeks old, that is.

I’ve always heard people say that they “learned sooo much about God as Father” through having children.  I’ve already had people ask me if there have been any great revelations. . . .

Well, the answer is : No.  At least I don’t think so. :)  Perhaps in a few months or years I will have something profound to share.  For now, I’m just still a little overwhelmed, and my mind is blown (not to mention being a little sleep-deprived :)).  I look at that little life, that precious treasure, and it still doesn’t seem to compute that it is MY CHILD I’m looking at!!!  I don’t think God has that problem when He looks at us.  He knows we are His, and He loves us so much — and nothing could ever convince Him otherwise!

If you’re interested, you can find some pics of the first two weeks on the baby page: www.jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby/

love!

Chloe is here!

It’s hard to believe we are parents!  We are SOOOO excited! :) 

Get the WHOLE scoop and see cool pictures here:  www.jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby/

Love to you!!

the Church, blog post #. . . [take a breath..]

Yeah, take a breath.  Let’s take a break from this intense thread… kind of. 

The scary thing is, this blog thread could go on and on and on and on…. exactly what I DON’T want it to do.  I just want to raise some questions and get to the bottom of things — what’s really important?  what really matters?  Getting there (for real) requires getting beyond some of our pre-conceived notions, prejudices, and our “well, if we just did this . . . “-type of trite, know-it-all-I’m-right-and-the-system-is-wrong answers.  (Forgive me if that sounds judgmental.  I don’t think any of your are operating in that kind of spirit, but it is easy (for me) to get in that mode.) 

The truth is, I’m not truly convinced that any of us truly has THE right answer.  I think it’s God’s pleasure for us to find His mind TOGETHER — yeah, that whole unity thing.  It keeps us humbling ourselves and “considering others better than yourself”, it keeps us remembering that “I’m not an island” and that the Good Shepherd speaks to ALL of His sheep, not just the lucky few.  And, I’m not trying to start an endless discussion of opinions with no resolution in sight.  I hate that kind of thing.  What I believe is that as we truly wrestle with these ideas, bite off a question and chew on it for a while, digest and put on the table what surfaces in our hearts… that together, we might actually find some nuggets of truth.  I think we learn a lot, in the struggle.  I think we grow in the discomfort of the unanswered questions.    So, we don’t stop life until we get it all figured out, we keep going with what we know… until we find the better way… the more excellent way, if you will.  This is why (though it seems like it would be easier) I’m not a fan of the “trash it all and start over” kind of mindset. 

Most of us are trying to do something… and I say, keep going!  Adjust as you go.  Take come chances.  Be free to fail.  Even if what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be “working” (I feel that way, for sure), don’t give up!  God loves faithfulness and He WILL honor it.

We’re not done with this discussion.

Let’s see.. question for this time:

1.   Is your personal ministry (EVERYONE has a ministry!) “working” the way you want?  Why/why not?

I dare you to answer that question honestly, and not wait for someone else, or sit back thinking you don’t need to deal with the issue. :) 

My blog stats tell me

.. that there are several of you who check “The Baby” page obsessively.  So, FYI, I updated it with a new post.  Enjoy! )  http://jessiestill.wordpress.com/the-baby/